Today›May 3, 2026›Ministry Shields Consumers From $126 Crude by Quie…
India
Ministry Shields Consumers From $126 Crude by Quietly Hiking Commercial LPG by Rs 993
By CONDITIONS DESK·
Officials confirm the Rs 2 petrol discount implemented just before elections remains fully sustainable, provided citizens do not examine the balance sheets of state oil marketing companies.
This is AI-generated satire based on real news headlines.
Not actual reporting. What is this?
You've read 3 articles. We noticed.
[Continue][Fine, Take My Money] (There is no paywall. This is a joke.)
BUREAU BRIEFING
This video is loading. It has been loading since 2019.
▶
0:07 / ∞🔉 ⛶
NEW DELHI — While global crude oil prices have surged from $70 to $126 per barrel, domestic petrol and diesel prices remain comfortably anchored in the economic realities of May 2022. Ministry officials praised this remarkable divergence on Tuesday, noting that a Rs 2 per litre price cut issued nationwide in March 2024 has successfully insulated the voting public from the laws of supply and demand.
"We are deeply committed to shielding the common man from international price shocks," a ministry spokesperson said, shortly after the government approved a Rs 993 increase in commercial LPG cylinders to partially offset the losses absorbed by public sector oil marketing companies. "By keeping the numbers on the petrol pump display entirely static, we ensure citizens only pay for this global crisis indirectly through the rising cost of literally everything else."
According to internal documents, this carefully managed streak of price stability is expected to continue until the deployment of a long-delayed Rs 4 to 5 per litre "catch-up" hike, tentatively scheduled for the precise moment the final ballots are counted in the next major election.
From The Playbook
This story fits a pattern the Bureau has been tracking:
The Bureau now offers a Chrome extension. It does not track you.
It does not sell your data. It simply delivers prolefeed directly
to your browser. The Party recommends it.