VIJAYAWADA — The Board of Secondary Education, Andhra Pradesh (BSEAP) proudly announced its official portal, bse.ap.gov.in, for accessing the 10th SSC results on Tuesday, before immediately pleading with students to use literally any other method to check their marks.

"We are thrilled to provide this dedicated digital access point for our students," said a board spokesperson, handing out a comprehensive list of WhatsApp numbers, SMS shortcodes, and links to private platforms like Mana Mitra and the LEAP App. "To ensure the best possible user experience on our official platform, we strongly recommend that absolutely no one visits it."

The board has perfected this multi-channel strategy after years of consistent infrastructure failures. Internal archives confirm identical official site slowdowns during the June 6, 2022, and May 6, 2023, result declarations. By the time the overall pass percentage of 86.69% was announced on April 22, 2024, officials had already preemptively advised students to rely on DigiLocker and third-party developers rather than wait for the state's servers to load.

"Promoting a robust patchwork of private apps diffuses potential criticism regarding our own digital capabilities," explained an official involved in the digital rollout. "Why waste public funds upgrading a basic government website when private telecom providers are so happy to monetize the seasonal panic of sixteen-year-olds?"