NEW DELHI — During a virtual celebration for the US's 250th Independence Day, the former US President assured the Indian Prime Minister that India could count on him "100 percent," successfully continuing a multi-year strategy of substituting concrete diplomatic agreements with highly publicized declarations of personal affection.

"Our unbreakable bond remains the cornerstone of our foreign policy theater," said a spokesperson for the former administration, noting the seamless ideological transition from the 2020 'Namaste Trump' stadium rally to subsequent diplomatic threats of 'very big tariffs.' Officials clarified that the guaranteed 100 percent loyalty applies unconditionally to all future campaign materials and photo opportunities, while remaining heavily asterisked regarding actual bilateral trade deals.

The Prime Minister's office warmly reciprocated the sentiment, once again prioritizing the leaders' personal chemistry over documented policy divergences.

"It is a strategic partnership that transcends borders, tariffs, and reality itself," a ministry official stated, carefully filing the latest declaration of absolute loyalty alongside a 2023 briefing note detailing unresolved disagreements over Russian oil purchases.