BENGALURU — The Union Ministry of New and Renewable Energy has clarified that the recent diversion of fuel shipments to Gujarat is not a 'neglect' of South India, but rather a strategic logistical exercise in testing how long Karnataka’s economy can run on pure optimism and expensive petrol.

The clarification comes after Karnataka Deputy Chief Minister D.K. Shivakumar questioned the Ministry’s decision to dock two Gulf-origin fuel vessels exclusively in Gujarat, leaving Mangaluru and Kerala ports to function primarily as scenic vistas for stranded truck drivers.

"To suggest there is a shortage is to spread panic," said Union Minister Pralhad Joshi, who recently advised autorickshaw drivers to simply switch from CNG to petrol if they found the lack of gas inconvenient. "We have expanded our import sources to 40 countries. It just so happens that all 40 countries’ captains have a natural, geographic instinct to steer toward Gujarat the moment they hit the Arabian Sea."

In response to reports of long queues at LPG outlets in Tilak Nagar, the Ministry has introduced a mandatory 25-day interval between domestic cylinder bookings. Officials explained that the 25-day gap is a 'wellness initiative' designed to encourage families to explore raw food diets and traditional Vedic fire-starting techniques while the nation’s strategic reserves are prioritized for more 'industrial' latitudes.

Addressing the concerns of South Indian hoteliers who warned of mass closures, Ministry sources confirmed that the 'unintended shortage' of commercial LPG is actually a 'rebalancing of priorities.'

"The logic is simple," said one official speaking on condition of anonymity. "If a ship is in Gujarat, it is already home. Moving it down to Mangaluru involves extra kilometers, which would consume fuel, thereby exacerbating the very shortage we are currently pretending doesn't exist."

When asked why the petrol alternative was suggested despite its significantly higher cost for working-class drivers, authorities noted that the price difference is merely a 'regional contribution' to the Middle East stability fund.

At press time, the Ministry was reportedly drafting a new guideline suggesting that if South Indian households run out of cooking gas entirely, they may find that the heat generated by heated political debates over federalism is sufficient to boil a standard pot of rice.