WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump declared the month-old conflict in Iran to be “very complete, pretty much” Sunday afternoon, moments before issuing a 48-hour ultimatum to destroy the country’s entire civilian power grid and every bridge currently left standing.

The declaration of total victory comes as a Marine expeditionary unit was seen moving toward the region to assist with the final stages of a war that the President insists is “winding down,” despite the fact that US and Israeli missile strikes have continued unabated since February 28.

“The Iranian military is gone, it’s finished, it’s a total disaster for them,” said the President, speaking from a podium while oil prices surged past $110 a barrel. “We’ve done such a good job that now we just have to decide whether we’re going to take their islands, seize their uranium, or just blow up their biggest power plants because the Strait of Hormuz is still closed, which is a very simple military maneuver that we haven't finished yet.”

Pentagon officials, speaking on condition of anonymity to avoid being mentioned in an expletive-laden Truth Social post, clarified that the “complete victory” currently includes a scenario where Iranian drones are still striking targets as far-flung as Diego Garcia. The officials noted that while the war is technically over in a rhetorical sense, the actual fighting may require several more years of high-intensity bombing to align with the President’s social media timeline.

“We are in the ‘Victory Lap’ phase of the operation,” said one high-ranking Ministry Correspondent. “The Victory Lap involves 15,000 new ground troops, the potential seizure of Kharg Island, and the systematic dismantling of the Iranian electrical sector. It’s a very standard way to celebrate a finished war.”

Experts noted the logistical brilliance of declaring victory while simultaneously threatening an escalation that international law experts have already flagged as a series of war crimes. The administration, however, dismissed these concerns, noting that the entire region is “becoming safer by the hour,” provided one does not live near a bridge or a sports hall in Lamerd.

At press time, the White House was reportedly drafting a “Mission Accomplished” banner that is large enough to be seen from the remote Iranian territory where US jets are still being shot down.