CHANDIGARH — Following an investigation into the Rs 83 crore CREST-IDFC scam, the Chandigarh Administration has reportedly expressed admiration for the “innovative logistical streamlining” that allowed public funds to bypass cumbersome urban development and go straight into a bank official’s driver’s wife’s bank account.

Investigators confirmed that while the Chandigarh Renewal Energy and Science and Technology Promotion Society (CREST) had been struggling for years to implement renewable energy solutions, the accounts department achieved a “seamless digital transformation” by registering the official department bank account to a personal mobile phone. This allowed for real-time notifications of siphoned funds to be received by the people siphoning them, effectively eliminating the middleman known as “accountability.”

“We have always been told that Smart City projects are about connectivity,” said one official, speaking on condition of anonymity while shredding documents related to the 2024 audit. “By connecting the public treasury directly to shell firms like Swastik Desh Projects, we have eliminated the friction of public service. It is the ultimate expression of a frictionless economy.”

The probe revealed that the siphoned Rs 83 crore—part of a larger Rs 590 crore ecosystem of 'parked' funds—was distributed with a level of inclusivity rarely seen in government schemes. Beneficiaries included bank relationship managers, their relatives, and even domestic staff, ensuring that the wealth from the Smart City project reached the grassroots level, specifically the bank accounts of people who once drove the people who stole the money.

“The system worked exactly as intended,” stated a Bureau spokesperson. “The money was allocated for ‘Science and Technology.’ Investing it into a Fortuner and high-end real estate is simply a practical application of the physics of wealth displacement.”

When asked why the department failed to notice Rs 83 crore missing from its ledger, an official explained that the department was waiting for a committee to be formed to decide on the software that would eventually be used to monitor the funds.

At the time of writing, the administration is reportedly considering a new scheme to prevent future fraud, which will be managed by a newly constituted committee of officials who have already pre-registered their drivers' Aadhaar cards for 'administrative convenience.'