April 8, 2026

7 rectifications recorded.


Anthropic Determines AI Model Too Dangerous for Public is Perfectly Safe for JPMorgan Chase

AI startup grants exclusive access to 'Mythos' model—capable of breaching any software—to a select group of 11 organizations that have historically never used power for personal gain.

Assam Government Solves 100% of District’s Problems by Deleting 50% of Its Legislative Seats

Officials confirm that merging South Salmara and Mankachar into a single constituency is the most effective way to reduce local complaints by exactly half without building a single road.

Civilization-Ending Apocalypse Postponed for 14 Days to Allow for Filing of Relevant Paperwork

U.S. President agrees to suspend the total annihilation of Iran until the following Tuesday, provided all parties can agree on which language the word 'enrichment' should appear in.

Historic Uniform Civil Code Paused as State’s Bedroom-Monitoring Software Stuck at 4% Installation

Uttarakhand police admit the Crime and Criminal Tracking Network is currently unable to process the illegality of unregistered intimacy until someone finds the admin password.

Ministry Suggests South Indian Drivers Simply Switch to More Expensive Petrol Until Diverted LPG Ships Find Their Way Out of Gujarat

Union Minister Pralhad Joshi dismisses LPG shortage as 'misinformation' while confirming that 25 days is the new scientifically recommended minimum time for a family to wait between meals.

U.S. Officials Who Raised Tariffs to 18% Conclude 'Fruitful' Meeting to Discuss How Much More India Can Afford

Ambassador Sergio Gor and Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick confirm that the bilateral partnership has never been stronger, provided India continues paying the 15% 'friendship surcharge' on all exports.

World Relieved to Learn Global Civilization Now Only 88 Minutes Away from Total Obliteration at Any Given Time

International community celebrates two-week ceasefire as proof that the total annihilation of 90 million people is a flexible negotiating tactic rather than a firm schedule.