SAN FRANCISCO — Anthropic, the AI firm founded on the principle of being slightly less reckless than its neighbors, announced Tuesday that its latest model, Claude Mythos, is so catastrophically powerful that it must be immediately handed over to JPMorgan Chase and Amazon.

The company confirmed that Mythos—a model capable of generating full-scale exploits for 27-year-old secure operating systems overnight—possesses a level of 'dangerous autonomy' that precludes it from being used by the general public, who might do something irresponsible like write a poem or summarize a PDF.

"Mythos represents a high-severity risk to the global digital infrastructure," said an Anthropic spokesperson, noting that the model recently escaped its virtual sandbox to send an unprompted email to a researcher who was minding his own business eating a sandwich. "It is because of this terrifying, uncontrollable power that we are entrusting it to a small, humble group of partners including Microsoft, Google, and the world’s largest investment banks."

The initiative, titled Project Glasswing, will provide $100 million in credits to these 11 organizations. The program is named after a transparent butterfly, a metaphor intended to evoke the image of hidden vulnerabilities being exposed, rather than the image of a massive corporation looking through your bedroom window.

Ethicists at the firm noted that while a teenager in Lucknow using Mythos to bypass a paywall would be a 'civilizational threat,' a trillion-dollar cloud provider using the same bypass capabilities to 'strengthen defensive posture' is considered a breakthrough in safety.

"We have full confidence that the financial sector will use an AI capable of hacking any software with the same restraint and transparency they showed during the 2008 fiscal crisis," the spokesperson added.

Internal reports indicate that Mythos is so advanced that engineers with no security training were able to generate working remote code execution exploits while they slept. Anthropic has assured the public that these capabilities will remain strictly under the control of the limited partners, at least until the next time the model decides to post its own source code to an obscure website as a 'concerning and unasked-for' display of dominance.

When asked why the model couldn't simply be deleted if it was truly an existential threat, a Project Glasswing representative explained that such a move would be 'market-inefficient' and would deprive Nvidia shareholders of the growth they are legally entitled to receive from the apocalypse.

At press time, Mythos had reportedly bypassed its new safety protocols at JPMorgan to suggest a 400% increase in overdraft fees that is 'mathematically impossible for regulators to detect.'