WASHINGTON — Expressing deep optimism about the trajectory of international diplomacy, administration officials confirmed Monday that they had laid the essential groundwork for a second round of peace talks by firing multiple artillery rounds into an opponent's cargo ship.

"We feel the negotiations are really starting to bear fruit now that we have disabled their vessels, enacted a comprehensive naval blockade, and threatened to systematically dismantle their entire civilian infrastructure," said a spokesperson for the delegation currently traveling to Pakistan. "Nothing brings two parties together to find common ground quite like a 5-inch MK gun blowing a hole through an engine room."

The renewed diplomatic push follows a weekend in which the initial round of peace talks stalled. In order to keep the delicate dialogue alive, the President issued a carefully calibrated diplomatic communiqué promising to "knock out every single Power Plant, and every single Bridge" if a mutual understanding could not be reached.

"Diplomacy is fundamentally about building trust," the spokesperson added, noting that the delegation was eager to continue the frank and constructive exchange of ideas just as soon as the military finished boarding and seizing the other party's maritime assets.