KOLKATA — The Election Commission commended its new "100% webcasting and AI-enabled surveillance" network on Thursday for providing unprecedented, uninterrupted coverage of crude bombs being thrown outside polling booths during Phase 2 of the state elections.

"During the 2021 assembly elections, we had to rely on delayed, on-the-ground reports of widespread violence and firing," said an election official, speaking calmly over a live 4K feed of political workers clashing in Birbhum. "Today, thanks to our technological upgrades, we can monitor the exact moment an EVM mysteriously malfunctions or a voter is intimidated, entirely in the cloud."

Authorities assured the public that the controversial 'Special Intensive Revision' (SIR) of electoral rolls was working exactly as designed. The official noted that the "tech glitches" responsible for striking names off the lists were now being carefully logged and tracked by the state-of-the-art software.

"The system's transparency is truly groundbreaking," a spokesperson added while stepping over the remnants of an explosive device. "The AI has already automatically categorized hundreds of instances of electoral violence into neat, color-coded folders for us to completely ignore until Phase 3."