Government That Stole Your Buffalo Returns One Leg, Expects Thank You Note

By RECTIFICATION BUREAU · April 4, 2026

Islamabad officials describe the Rs 80 price reduction—which follows a record-shattering Rs 137 hike—as a 'historic gift' to the public, effectively charging citizens for the privilege of being slightly less ruined than they were yesterday.

ISLAMABAD — The Government of Pakistan announced a "compassionate" reduction in fuel prices on Friday, gracefully returning 80 rupees to the public just hours after seizing 137 rupees in what economists are calling the most successful daylight mugging in the history of the petroleum ministry.

The price of petrol, which had been hiked to an astronomical Rs 458.40 per litre on Thursday, will now be adjusted to a slightly less astronomical Rs 378.40. Ministry officials spent the afternoon appearing on national television to accept the gratitude of a nation that is now only 43% more broke than it was on Wednesday.

"We heard the cries of the common man," said a spokesperson for the Ministry of Petroleum, speaking from a high-security compound where the air conditioning is currently subsidized by the taxpayers who can no longer afford to start their motorcycles. "After raising the price by more than a hundred rupees, we realized that taking it all at once was perhaps too efficient. By giving 80 rupees back, we are demonstrating the kind of leadership that hits you with a brick and then offers you a very small, expensive Band-Aid."

Internal documents suggest the government is pleased with the "Stabilized Despair" model. By implementing a hike so severe it caused a temporary suspension of the laws of physics, the subsequent 'slash' allows the administration to frame a net increase of Rs 57 as a populist victory.

"It is about perspective," noted one senior official from the Records Division. "Yesterday, a citizen could not afford to drive to work. Today, after our generous intervention, they still cannot afford to drive to work, but they feel a sense of relief that the government isn't currently taking their spare tire as well."

In a show of further solidarity, the Interior Ministry confirmed that public transport in Islamabad will be free for 30 days, provided citizens can find a bus driver who hasn't already sold his vehicle for scrap to pay his home electricity bill.

At press time, the government was reportedly considering a plan to double the price of wheat on Monday so they could earn international praise for reducing it by 10% on Tuesday.