NEW DELHI — Following elevated global crude oil prices stemming from conflicts in West Asia, the Prime Minister announced a comprehensive 9-point plan to fortify the economy, which officials say will be executed entirely by the public. The sweeping national resilience strategy relies heavily on citizens postponing vacations, reducing their use of edible oil, and taking the metro.

"This builds upon our established, highly successful crisis management framework," said a senior official overseeing the rollout. "In 2020, we addressed pandemic preparedness by asking citizens to bang thalis. In 2022, we tackled rising costs by asking people to conserve energy while we maintained fuel taxes. Naturally, our response to the current geopolitical energy crisis is to ask everyone to stop going outside and buying jewelry."

The administration stated that its declared focus is "strengthening India's economic resilience" and "shielding farmers," goals it plans to achieve by having the middle class simply stop participating in activities that require imported resources.

When asked if the administration had any long-term energy security strategies, plans to diversify import sources, or fiscal policies to absorb the global shocks, a spokesperson declined to comment. "We are already doing our part by monitoring the situation," the spokesperson said. "Asking citizens to cancel their holidays is simply the most cost-effective macroeconomic policy available."