LONDON — Global stock markets surged on Wednesday following news that a conditional 14-day ceasefire had caused Brent crude prices to plummet by 15% to $92 a barrel, an outright bargain compared to the $70 a barrel it cost before anyone started bombing the shipping lanes.

"This is a tremendous victory for the global economy," said an energy market analyst, adjusting his forecast models to account for exactly 336 hours of uninterrupted maritime trade. "By agreeing to temporarily not incinerate commercial vessels, world leaders have provided the long-term stability markets need to plan their mid-April expenditures."

Industry reports confirm that major oil companies, currently reaping an estimated $30 million an hour in war windfalls, are prepared to pass along fractions of a cent in relief to consumers just as soon as the massive backlog of rerouted tankers clears the Red Sea.

While the 20-mile-wide Strait of Hormuz remains technically open, maritime insurers have advised shipping companies that the waterway is currently safe for passage, provided their delivery schedules neatly align with the fleeting window of geopolitical patience.

At press time, world leaders were being praised by financial institutions for their steady economic stewardship in averting a global depression they personally started six weeks ago.