HYDERABAD — Expanding its highly successful strategy of asking citizens nicely not to perish in traffic, the city's Transport Department launched its annual "Arrive Alive" campaign Tuesday by lecturing primary school students on the importance of walking on pavements that do not exist.

During a two-hour presentation to restless fourth-graders, traffic officials stressed that surviving the daily commute is a "shared responsibility." Students were firmly instructed to only cross roads at zebra crossings, which the department assured the children would be painted as soon as the modalities are worked out and funds are sanctioned in the next fiscal year.

"It is physically impossible for the government to fill every lethal pothole or monitor every motorist," explained a senior transport minister, arriving at the school in a heavily guarded six-car convoy that bypassed traffic by driving on the wrong side of a one-way street. "That is why we are empowering these eight-year-olds with the critical knowledge they need to manually dodge oncoming water tankers."

The event concluded with the distribution of 50 standard-issue helmets, which officials noted should adequately offset the structural dangers of the city's 14,000 undocumented road craters.

Before departing, authorities reminded the children that the government is now offering a Rs 25,000 reward to anyone who assists an accident victim, noting that outsourcing emergency medical triage to random pedestrians remains significantly cheaper than building a functioning footpath.