March 2026
Records of all conditions improvements for March 2026, maintained in perpetuity.
- Actor-Turned-Politician Charged with Violating Rules He Just Learned Exist Three Weeks Ago
- Agency That Summoned Man 52 Times Shocked He Did Not Attend 53rd Summons
- Allies Politely Request Ukraine Consider Losing War More Affordably
- Army Launches Investigation Into Why Helicopter Went Exactly Where Kid Rock Wanted It To Go
- BJP Candidate Praised for Successfully Appearing Serious While Campaigning in State Party Has Never Won
- BJP Leaders Who Publicly Feuded for 18 Months Stand Together Long Enough for Photographer to Take Picture
- CM Announces Centre Anti-People, Plans to Address Issue After Bypolls, Elections, Monsoon, Next Bypolls
- Delhi Government Announces Comprehensive Plan to Supply Water to City That Already Has Water Supply System
- Event Organizers Assure Disappointed Customers Next Year's Festival Will Also Fall Short of Expectations
- Kashmir Carpet Industry Grateful for Opportunity to Not Attend Exhibitions They Could Not Afford Anyway
- Nation Confirms 30-Year-Old Arrest Video Now More Culturally Significant Than Entire Body of National Literature
- Regional Powers Assure Citizens Tanker Attack Unlikely to Disrupt Cycle of Assurances About Regional Stability
- Social Media Companies Promise to Enforce Age Ban Just As Soon As Someone Explains How
- Spain Announces Bold Stance Against War After Checking Which Military Bases US Doesn't Actually Need
- Spain Carefully Explains It Only Meant 'Joint' Military Base in Figurative Sense
- State Government Successfully Transfers ₹1,000 to Workers After 11-Month Process to Determine Transfer Mechanism
- Trump Willing to End War Once All Participants Agree to Keep Fighting at Current Levels
- US Lawmaker Confident Royal Visit Perfect Opportunity to Address Issue No One in Power Has Addressed
- Access Granted to Holy Site After Concerns About Safety Successfully Addressed by Announcing Access Granted
- Bank of America Confirms Building Successfully Protected Assets During Brief Exterior Incident
- Election Commission Announces Plan to Make Elections Clean After Making Them Clean
- Experts Confirm Leader's Gut Performing Exactly As Expected
- Government Successfully Delivers Promises It Never Made While Carefully Preserving Ones It Did
- Political Party Announces Candidate Will Contest From Constituency, Await Further Updates on Other Candidates Contesting From Other Constituencies
- Regime Change Confirmed After Official Notices It Happened
- Regional Powers Confirm Commitment to Dialogue While Attacking Each Other's Infrastructure
- Regulators Discover Children Not Born Requiring Anti-Aging Serums