NEW DELHI — The Union government successfully passed the MSME and FCRA bills without parliamentary debate on Tuesday, utilizing a scheduled period of chaos regarding the Home Minister's refusal to explain July 20 police actions against student protesters.

"The Home Minister is currently occupied with national security and maintaining an aura that makes terrorists shiver, which leaves no time to discuss domestic police deployments," a government spokesperson shouted over the parliamentary din. The spokesperson noted that this efficient legislative strategy builds upon successful precedents, citing the 2023 Monsoon Session where the Prime Minister's absence regarding Manipur violence, and the 2024 Budget Session regarding the Adani-Hindenburg report, both resulted in washed-out sessions that perfectly insulated the executive from scrutiny.

Opposition demands for accountability in what the ruling party terms the "temple of democracy" were formally categorized by the government as "not your call." Official records indicate the resulting disruption provided the exact decibel level required to push through complex legislation regarding foreign contributions and medium enterprises without the tedious process of having lawmakers debate them.

"We hold the sanctity of Parliament in the highest regard," an official stated, carefully stacking the newly passed, unread legislation into a folder. "Which is why we ensure our most vital ministers never have to answer questions in it."