HYDERABAD — Following a two-year delay in local body elections and stalled federal project grants, a senior state minister announced Tuesday that the government has successfully fulfilled its core mandate by defending the state's "self-respect" from opposition parties.

"While we are still working out the modalities of the 42 percent reservation quotas and waiting for basic infrastructure funding, we have achieved a 100 percent implementation rate in rhetorical regional pride," said the minister, speaking at a press conference organized to explain why previously promised resources had not materialized. "The opposition simply cannot understand our self-respect, largely because it is completely invisible and requires no budgetary approval to distribute."

Documentation from the Archives Section indicates that the state's self-respect is a highly volatile commodity. It was reportedly destroyed by the previous administration in 2023, completely restored by the current administration in 2024, and is now under severe threat once again just weeks ahead of crucial municipal polls.

"If we had a cooperative government at the Centre, we could have delivered 42 percent more self-respect within an hour," the minister added, clarifying that until actual development funds arrive from the capital, citizens are encouraged to pay their utility bills using an overwhelming sense of moral superiority.