JERUSALEM — The Israeli Ministry of Defense announced Tuesday that the existing 'security buffer' in southern Lebanon would be expanded to include all geographic coordinates currently occupied by air, buildings, or Lebanese citizens, describing the move as a "purely preventative" measure to ensure the 30-kilometer zone remains free of anything other than the Israeli military.

Defense Minister Israel Katz, speaking near the Litani River where five civilian bridges were recently converted into underwater rubble for security reasons, explained that the definition of a 'threat' has been updated to include any territory not currently flying an Israeli flag.

"To truly guarantee the safety of our northern residents, we must ensure that the space between them and the enemy is filled with us," Katz said, gesturing toward a swath of territory representing nearly 10% of Lebanon’s sovereign land. "If there is a field in Lebanon that we do not control, that field is technically a vacuum that Hezbollah could, in theory, walk into. We are simply closing the vacuum."

Strategic experts noted that the campaign, which has killed more than 1,100 people and displaced a million others, is following the 'Rafah Model' of urban restructuring, a process involving the tactical removal of houses to improve the line of sight for bored tank commanders.

When asked why strikes were intensifying in areas with no documented Hezbollah presence, a military spokesperson clarified that 'Hezbollah-free zones' are actually the most dangerous areas of all. "Because there are no terrorists there today, there is a 100% chance that a terrorist could arrive there tomorrow," the spokesperson said. "By preemptively seizing these areas and destroying the infrastructure, we are making them remarkably unattractive to anyone looking to start a cell, or a family, or a small business."

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who recently ordered the 'further expansion' of the zone despite a November 2024 ceasefire that everyone has agreed to treat as a creative writing exercise, confirmed that the buffer zone would continue to grow until it eventually buffers against itself.

"We are creating a defensive space," Netanyahu said while reviewing maps that showed the 'front line of defense' moving at a brisk walking pace toward Beirut. "Once we have secured the Litani, we may find that the area north of the Litani is actually the new south. At that point, a new buffer will be required to protect the old buffer. It is basic geometry."

At press time, the Ministry of Defense was reportedly looking into a proposal to designate the Mediterranean Sea as a 'maritime security zone' to prevent Hezbollah from learning how to breathe underwater.