LUCKNOW — Following a series of successful administrative maneuvers, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath confirmed Tuesday that the state’s road network has finally remembered its original biological purpose: being walked upon by people who are not currently praying.

Speaking from a rally in poll-bound Assam, the Chief Minister noted that the era of using public thoroughfares for religious supplication has ended in Uttar Pradesh, effectively curing the state’s asphalt of its long-standing susceptibility to congregational worship.

“Roads are meant for walking,” the Chief Minister stated, appearing to solve a centuries-old civil engineering mystery regarding the load-bearing capacity of bitumen. “Those who are speaking against this decision should learn discipline from Hindus. Sixty-six crore people arrived in Prayagraj for the Mahakumbh. This is called religious discipline.”

Administrative experts later clarified that while 660 million people standing on a road constitutes a “disciplined flow of traffic,” thirteen people kneeling on a side street in Meerut represents a “total collapse of the transportation ecosystem.”

According to the Records Division, the state has achieved a state of ‘Quantum Asphalt,’ where a road is simultaneously a transit corridor and a sacred space, depending entirely on the specific demographic weighing it down. Data from the 2025 Mahakumbh suggests that when 66 crore people occupy a geographic coordinate, the road beneath them technically ceases to exist, replaced by a temporary “discipline zone” that does not interfere with the movement of imaginary cars.

“The discipline of the majority is so profound that it actually creates a vacuum where traffic would usually be,” said a spokesperson for the Documentation Unit, speaking on condition of anonymity. “However, the prayer of a minority creates a physical barrier that even the most advanced UP State Transport bus cannot bypass.”

Critics who pointed out that the Mahakumbh involved the total suspension of normal traffic for weeks were reminded that “convenience” is a secondary benefit of “discipline.” The Chief Minister emphasized that if citizens desire the convenience of a clear road, they must first master the discipline of occupying that road in numbers large enough to make the air conditioning in a passing convoy work more efficiently.

At the time of reporting, the state has yet to clarify if the ‘walking only’ rule applies to cows, election motorcades, or the 40% of beneficiaries who the CM noted are receiving welfare schemes while reportedly being unable to find a sidewalk.