CHANDIGARH — Following a high-level meeting where participants reportedly consumed over Rs 14,000 worth of high-fat dairy snacks, the state government announced a fresh hike in milk procurement prices, marking the fourth such ‘historic’ intervention in eighteen months.

The price adjustment, which officials describe as a “win-win-win-lose” for farmers, the state, the dairy federation, and the tea-drinking public respectively, will see procurement rates rise by Rs 3 per litre. This move follows similar price corrections in Karnataka, Telangana, and Tamil Nadu, where the cost of a litre of milk has now surpassed the hourly wage of the person milking the cow.

“By increasing the price that the consumer pays, we are ensuring that the farmer has more money to pay for the electricity and fodder that also saw price increases last Tuesday,” said a senior official from the Records Division, while adjusting his tie. “It is a beautiful, self-sustaining cycle of rising costs that we are proud to facilitate.”

The 2.5 lakh farmers expected to benefit from the move have expressed cautious optimism, noting that if the government raises procurement prices another twelve times, they might eventually be able to afford the retail price of the milk they produce.

In a move to soften the blow for the urban middle class, the government suggested that the price hike is actually a health initiative. “When milk becomes more expensive, people drink less of it, thereby reducing the risk of lactose intolerance across the state,” the official added.

Documentation from the Ministry shows that while procurement prices have risen by a total of Rs 8 since 2023, the actual cost of maintaining a cow has risen by Rs 22 over the same period. When asked to explain the discrepancy, a spokesperson for the Official Channels stated that the remaining Rs 14 gap is currently being filled by “hope and administrative resilience.”

To ensure the benefits reach the grassroots, the government has constituted a 12-member committee to study the impact of the hike. The committee's travel and hospitality budget is expected to be funded by a small, additional ‘administrative cess’ on curd and buttermilk starting next quarter.