April 4, 2026

14 rectifications recorded.


Election Commission Searches for Candidate with Absolutely No Friends to Serve as Returning Officer

Following complaints that the Bhabanipur RO is 'too close' to one candidate, the ECI confirms it is vetting a shortlist of hermits and deep-sea divers who have never spoken to a human being.

Family That Has Only Won Baramati 8 Times In A Row Nervous About 9th Attempt

NCP officials expressed 'cautious optimism' for the upcoming bypoll, noting that while the family has held the seat since 1991, anything could happen if voters accidentally look at a different surname.

Government Proposes Solving Rs 50,000 Crore Dental Crisis by Telling Children to Buy a Toothbrush

New study suggests that 'supervised brushing' in schools could save billions in treatment costs, provided the schools can somehow locate a sink, running water, and a parent who can afford to miss work.

Government Successfully Sends Very Angry Letters to Billionaires Mentioned in 2016 News Reports

The Central Board of Direct Taxes confirms it has reached the 'calculation' phase of a decade-long investigation into offshore wealth, raising Rs 41,257 crore in theoretical money.

Government That Stole Your Buffalo Returns One Leg, Expects Thank You Note

Islamabad officials describe the Rs 80 price reduction—which follows a record-shattering Rs 137 hike—as a 'historic gift' to the public, effectively charging citizens for the privilege of being slightly less ruined than they were yesterday.

Military Leader Who Postponed Elections by Five Years Suggests Citizens Just 'Forget' Concept of Voting Entirely

Captain Ibrahim Traoré explains that democracy 'kills,' noting that his administration’s decision to dissolve all political parties was a necessary safety measure for a public clearly overwhelmed by having choices.

NASA Confirms Earth Still Round, Blue, and Completely Unaware of $42 Billion Camera Trip

Artemis II crew releases 'spectacular' high-resolution images of the planet they just spent two decades of taxpayer funding to escape for ten days.

Orban Confident 15-Point Lead for Opposition Will Result in Narrow 2/3 Majority for Himself

Hungarian officials confirm that while polls show the opposition is significantly more popular, the electoral map has been carefully curated to ensure that a vote for anyone else counts as a 'suggested donation' to the ruling party.

Pentagon Confirms Downed F-15 Was Merely Testing Integrity of Iran’s ‘Non-Existent’ Air Defenses

CENTCOM officials clarify that the loss of a $100 million strike fighter and a subsequent botched rescue mission are key indicators of the 'total air superiority' achieved last Tuesday.

Pentagon Optimistic Search for One Missing Pilot Only Costing Three Additional Aircraft So Far

Military officials confirm the mission to recover a single F-15E crew member has successfully resulted in the loss of an A-10 Warthog and damage to two Blackhawk helicopters, maintaining a 'highly efficient' 3-to-1 rescue-to-loss ratio.

Premier High Court to Strengthen Accountability by Re-Inaugurating Transparency Tool It Turned Off in 2023

Justice Vikram Nath urges Delhi High Court to 'go live' again, noting that public scrutiny is the foundation of justice, provided the public doesn't mind the 24-month buffering period between announcements.

Smart City Project Finally Achieves 100% Efficiency by Routing Rs 83 Crore Directly to Banker’s Driver

Chandigarh officials praise the 'unprecedented speed' of the financial transaction, noting that the funds reached a private real estate portfolio three years faster than any actual solar panel installation.

University Celebrates 100 Years of Academic Excellence by Asking Students to Cook for Free

As part of its centenary celebrations, Andhra University officials have successfully converted 1,150 international students into unpaid catering staff and amateur folk dancers to demonstrate 'global unity' for a three-day photo opportunity.

UP CM Explains That Roads Are Primarily For Walking, Unless 66 Crore People Need to Stand on Them

Officials clarify that the physical properties of asphalt only reject specific types of kneeling, while remaining perfectly structurally sound for record-breaking religious gatherings.